


A Quick Fix Of Hope

by brokenhighways



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Angst, Basketball, Canon Compliant, Jealousy, M/M, POV Third Person, Past Tense, Sports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 16:46:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10621005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenhighways/pseuds/brokenhighways
Summary: Jude always liked to think of himself as a rational person. He thought everything through. He weighed the pros against the cons and made rational decisions.That behaviour seemed to fly out of the window when he came into contact with both Oscar and Zero.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from Could It Be Any Harder by The Calling. 
> 
> My summary is iffy but this is basically Jude's POV from 2.01 to 3.05. Originally, this wasn't supposed to be very long , but it grew and grew and here we are, lol!
> 
> This is officially the longest non-SPN thing that I've written and also it's in past tense! I like to make things hard for myself. If there are any tense mishaps and grammatical errors - I apologize! 
> 
> I have a couple more Zude fics in the works so watch this space. 
> 
> Enjoy the story!

Jude wasn’t sure _when_ he fell in love with Zero.

He might have been instrumental in bringing Zero to L.A. but that wasn’t selfless on his part. He didn’t do it for Zero but for himself. He wanted to prove to Oscar that had something to offer, that he wasn’t just some dumb kid who had the misfortune of bearing the name ‘Kinkade’.

However, things didn’t go as planned.

He barely had time to celebrate Zero inking his thirty-million dollar deal before Olivia asked him out to lunch. Even though he didn’t know her that well, he’d agreed. While he’d been expecting her to be upset about losing her job, he wasn’t expecting _blackmail_ , he wasn’t expecting her to know about the coke he’d supplied Derek Roman.

Being a junior agent was one thing, everyone knew that it was basically a fancy title for ‘errand boy’. People asked him to jump and he asked how high, that’s just how it was. If Derek Roman called and asked Jude to ‘ _hook him up_ ’, that’s what he did. Jude always told himself that it justified the means, that it was all part of him achieving his end goal. He’d pull off something so huge that Oscar would be forced to acknowledge him. Everyone would know that he was a Kinkade and his life would finally be complete.

That’s what he told himself, but deep down, he knew different.

Being at the arena was the biggest slap in the face. Only a few people knew who he actually was and they seemed to be aware that Oscar rarely acknowledged him. There were no sympathetic expressions, no sign of anything (apart from Raquel) and even that made him feel deficient somehow. He wasn’t good enough to be a Kinkade and not worthy enough of a shred of compassion, not that he needed anyone’s pity. His mom always told him that searching for answers from other people always ended in tears. Even though she carefully said _other people_ there might as well have been a huge, neon flashing sign that screamed ‘Oscar’.

Still, he couldn’t just give up. Even if it meant that she refused to talk to him. She’d come around eventually. He knew that. She was like him in that respect; being knocked down wasn’t the end but always the beginning. Beginning of more heartbreak, or the beginning of something new - it was always the same. They were always starting something but all Jude wanted was to gain his father’s approval.

It didn’t matter. That’s what his mom always told him, but the papers said differently. The news told him all the time that his father was a formidable businessman and all around great guy. Sure, they tended to exaggerate things, but what if it was true? What if the aloofness was merely because the distance was too great?

Being closer to the team just made sense.

~

Somehow, Jude went from being an errand boy for the agency to a yes-man for his father. At first he lied to himself, told himself that this was progress but slowly the reality hit him. If it wasn’t him making all of these calls and cleaning up mess after mess, it would be someone else. He wasn’t infallible, just in the right place at the right time. He was the guy that people kept around just so they could always hear _yes_ . Part of the scenery and day-to-day. Nobody cared about _him_.

Except for Zero.

At first, the interest made him uncomfortable. Yes, he sold Zero on L.A. and yes, he told Zero about Terrence and Derek but the latter only came about after that tense lunch with Olivia. If Jude was going to work within the arena and have some piece of mind, he couldn’t do that with the coke thing hanging over his head. It wasn’t personal but just business. If anything, Derek needed a break away from the hazy L.A. scene but Jude wasn’t about to produce and star in that particular after school special.

Instead he tried to keep his head down. He wasn’t Zero’s agent, so his job was just to manage things and keep Zero and Derek on the same page. He was essentially a glorified babysitter moonlighting as Oscar’s assistant. That didn’t really give him a lot of time to just _hang out_.

Not that it deterred Zero who approached Jude in the Playground one evening and plopped down into the stool next to his.

“You look like you could do with a drink,” he said in lieu of a greeting. There was a cocky grin on his face and Jude smiled back without thinking.

“I've already got one,” he pointed out when he realised that they were just looking at each other. He gestured towards his half empty glass.

Zero raised one of his dark brows, “Do you always make a habit of drinking alone?”

That’s not the point at which he started to fall for Zero, but it was the beginning of something.

Nobody ever spoke to him, let alone observed him for long enough to deduce anything. That Zero was regarding him with what looked like concern was rather discombobulating. Usually, Zero was only interested in ways he could push Terrence and Derek further apart, how to get Jelena to fall for him, and his endorsements. Oh, and taking his shirt off at every opportunity but maybe Jude was being pedantic. Half of the team did the same thing.

“Are you okay?” Jude looked up at that point and realised that he’d never answered the original statement.

“I’m fine,” he replied quietly. “Do you need something? Shouldn’t you be out with Jelena somewhere?”

Just saying Jelena’s name made his stomach quiver slightly. He’d been fortunate not to have any run-ins with her, but based on all of the things Olivia had been ranting about, Jelena was someone that nobody crossed without acquiring several battle wounds. Jude’s not sure why Zero had honed in on her, but he was keeping out of it.

Zero shrugged nonchalantly. “I can’t deal with her right now. She’s like you, but even more high-strung.”

Jude could tell that Zero wasn’t being entirely serious, but there was enough truth in his words for it to be somewhat uncomfortable. Back in Ohio, when the agency sent him to sound out the L.A. move, the comments had been the same. _Dude, you need to relax._ _Why are you always so tense? Do you own anything that isn’t a suit?_ It was constant to the point where Jude was convinced that he’d screwed it all up, at least until Zero finally called him back one afternoon and agreed to sign.

He still remembered it vividly. They'd met in a small coffee shop near Ohio's arena and Zero watched on as Jude ordered a slice of coffee cake and a chai latte to go. When Zero questioned him, Jude had merely pointed out that he didn't expect to be there for long. He was that sure that he'd screwed up the deal before Zero just laughed thanked _him_ for his help.

“Oh, you’re one of those, right?” Zero added, apparently deciding to carry on the conversation by himself. Jude snapped our of his reverie and glanced around quickly. The Playground was full enough that nobody was paying attention to them. Jude was only here because Oscar was still in his office and he wanted to be around in case he needed anything. It was pathetic and ridiculous, but he couldn’t help it. Everytime he left the building, he was afraid that Oscar would suddenly decide to cast him away completely and go back to shunning him.

“One of what?” Jude replied hastily before he somehow screwed things up with Zero. Emotional diatribe aside, establishing a rapport with the players was one of the things that would get him a promotion and more authority. Derek seemed to be wrapped up in Ahsha for the time being, so there was no harm in keeping whatever he had with Zero going.

Maybe they could be friends.

No, scratch that. People like Jude didn’t have friends. Just other people who sometimes realised that they were there. Like a faded coffee stain that only appeared in certain light.

“One of those people who gets lost in their head,” Zero said. He signalled the barkeep over and ordered two shots of vodka. Jude bit back a comment about overdoing it because hell, he was drinking with a _player_ . This didn’t usually happen to him. Usually, it was phone calls, texts, and standing in the back of smoky clubs with a drink in one hand and his cell clutched in the other. With Derek and his other clients, he’d always been on the job. Zero, for what it was worth, was decidedly less high maintenance (well not counting his obsession with his _image_ ).

“Uh, yeah,” Jude answered before he could get lost again. It happened a lot, a downside of the fact that he barely spoke to anyone else _properly_ . Not about business but mundane things like what he had for lunch, the last movie he saw, what he wanted from life; The normal stuff that made up life’s filler. With no way to express that, everything became internal. He overanalyzed and--- _shit_.

“I do get lost in my head.”

Zero nodded slowly, but his expression morphed from confusion to amusement if anything, “You don’t say. We’re going to have do something about that.”

Before Jude could reply, Zero slid one of the shots toward him and downed the other one. He slapped down a couple of bills on the table, a meaningless gesture because the players drank for free here. Hell, most people did. It was an invitation-only bar.

“It’s a tip for the bartender,” he explained when he caught Jude staring at him. “I’ll catch you later.” He turned without a second glance and sauntered out, all swagger and confidence and everything that Jude wasn’t. Jude scoffed and eyed the shot warily. It was only eleven pm, so he decided not to drink it. Oscar could call at any time and he needed to be ready. His warm, diluted Scotch would be fine for the duration of the evening.

Five minutes had passed since Zero’s departure when Jude’s cell vibrated from where it was placed on the bartop.

The name on the display said _Zero_ , and Jude frowned as he opened it. He smiled when he saw what it said.

_Stop thinking so much!_

That wasn’t the point at which he fell in love but it was the beginning.

~

While Jude was busying trying to convince Lionel to show up at all of the games, he found himself warming to her. She was much different from how she seemed in magazines; sharper and more attuned to her surroundings than anyone gave her credit for.

Plus, she seemed just as lonely as he was.

Her house was stunning and amazing but full of pictures of Lionel Davenport, _the actress,_ and not the person. There was nothing personal about it and every room rung hollow. All signs of Pete had been scrubbed away even though it was obvious that she still loved him. That she seemed to want and need something from Pete reminded Jude of his own wants and needs from Oscar.

For the first time in his life, it wasn’t just him who was on the outside looking in.

“What makes you so certain that Oscar’s ever going to truly accept you?” she asked him one day. They were sitting on her back patio drinking wine and Jude was idly thinking about what Zero would say if he saw him now. He’d popped a button, loosened his tie and he was drinking something other than Scotch. He was the epitome of…. _not-as-tense-as-usual_ , because he couldn’t deny the fact that he was a high-strung person. He was. It was part and the parcel of being someone who constantly internalised everything.

“I’m not certain,” he told her with a grim expression. “But I have to try. I have to keep trying until I physically can’t or else I’m always going to wonder.”

She didn’t answer, just hummed in response. Whether or not she thought he was being naive was unclear but later, he’d realise that he’d just given her the worst advice possible.

~

Jude was barely wrapping his head around his new friend status with Lionel when Zero seemed to reappear in his life, rife with complaint after complaint about Jelena. Zero liked her, Jude could tell. For all of his macho persona and bravado, Jude got the sense that being respected and liked was a big deal to him. Jelena was chipping away at Zero’s personal pride and it was bothering him. It bothered _Jude_ and that was the real surprise. Given that he’d been useless with the whole Lionel and Pete drama, he tried to avoid saying anything. He just listened and told Zero that he’d always be here.

It was nice. To have someone who saw him as a confidant, someone who had actually meaningful things to say. Lionel was cool, but she was technically still too wrapped up in Pete to truly take much interest in Jude. That was fine; they were from two different worlds after all. Derek was still not paying him any attention and Oscar was still the same impenetrable iceberg he’d always been.

That left Jude with Zero for company.

Today, they were in Jude's apartment, with Jude sitting on an armchair while Zero was splayed over his couch. He felt out of place being here but Zero had requested his presence and there was no option other than to oblige. Inviting him over here had just seemed like the logical thing to do.

It was just too bad that all Zero wanted to talk about was _Jelena_.

“So, I was thinking that if this thing with Jelena doesn’t work out, you could maybe whisper a few suggestions in Oscar’s ear,” Zero said once he was done bitching about how cold Jelena was.

Jude couldn’t help it, he burst into a fit of laughter. The kind that made his chest hurt as his shoulders shook uncontrollably.

“What? What’s so funny?” Zero asked; his forehead burrowed into deep lines as he frowned. “It’s not an unreasonable request.”

Jude sobered up quickly enough to suppress a snort of disbelief. “Oh yeah? You want to go crazy and take over this team. Fine. I’m trying to help you do that, but talking to Oscar is out of the question. Not when I get nothing out of you making it to the top.”

Zero opened his mouth to respond almost immediately but seemed to flounder and eventually it snapped shut. There was a sullen expression on his face briefly before it morphed into one of curiousity.

“So, that’s your deal, huh?” Zero said after a lengthy pause. “You’ve got some kind of issue with your Dad.”

_Dad_.

The word seemed so alien to Jude that he couldn’t help shifting uncomfortably. For a second he hated that they were in his apartment because it was the one place where he could relax. The one place where everything outside didn’t matter.

Yet, he’d let Zero in.

Multiple times, too, because this wasn’t the first time he’d dealt with having Zero taking up half of his couch and misplacing every single item on his shelf. Given that he was the kind of neurotic person that liked everything to be ordered and alphabetized, the fact that it didn’t bother him spoke volumes.

It also didn’t escape his notice that Zero had never asked for his address.

Somehow, they’d fallen into this friendship and Jude wasn’t sure how it happened. What he _was_ sure about was the fact that he didn’t want to discuss Oscar with Zero. Not when he had the whole _fraud_ investigation debacle to deal with. Sloane and Raquel were like the _Gossip Girl_ version of the damn Hardy Brothers, and he would have had things under control if he hadn’t fucked up and left the stupid red envelope where anyone could find it. Even now it was still in his drawer; an ever present reminder of just how low he’d stopped in his quest to get Oscar to acknowledge him.

A year down the line and he was still the yes-man.

“You could say that,” Jude told Zero after realizing that he’d gotten lost in his own mind again. Lionel would jab him in the side and force him to listen to her but Zero always seemed to take it in his stride. He waited out the silences and just let Jude be his own person. It seemed cliche to even _think_ it, but he couldn’t remember anyone - bar his mother - who’d ever done that before. People were impatient by nature and they didn’t do well with silence. On the first day, they might fill it in, try to force conversation and Jude always acquiesced with the knowledge that they’d pass him by without a word the next day.

“Let me guess, your whole life you’ve been trying to impress him and now...you finally have your chance?” The words were accompanied by an off-colour smirk, but that was just one of Zero's quirks. Fading into the background came with some perks, the main one being the ability to stand back and observe. Jude had already seen through the veneer, fake persona and charm. Zero’s house of cards would fall down at some point but Jude wasn’t going to judge. After all, wasn’t he essentially doing the same thing?

“Something like that,” Jude said with a shrug that felt everything but the casual he’d been going for. “I’m not doing a very good job of it, though.”

It was ironic that Derek barely gave him the time of day but yet, his stupid choice to supply him with cocaine meant that he had to sit on the fact that Sloane was secretly plotting to take Oscar down. Jude had briefly stopped to consider that Oscar being behind bars wouldn't necessarily be bad for him. Oscar would have no one and he’d have to face Jude once and for all. Right?

The mere thought alone was just so miserable that he didn’t want to give it room to breathe.

“So what?” Zero said, ever the glib talker. “From what I hear, he’s supposed to be the one impressing you.”

That was laughable. Oscar impressing _him_. There was more chance of pigs flying than that happening. Jude couldn’t say that he wasn’t warned. His mother spent his childhood telling him that Oscar wasn’t a very nice person. Now that he was older, he could see that it was her way of protecting him, but as a child, he always just thought she was making it up. That she was somehow keeping Oscar away from him. In response, he built up this fairy tale in his mind where he’d connect with his father one day and truly bond with him.

It never occurred to him that one day he’d have to sit back and listen to his mother say _I told you so_.

“I don’t really want to talk about Oscar,” Jude replied. “If you want to become top dog, maybe you need to work on choosing your friends wisely.”

Zero didn’t comment on Jude changing the subject, but there was something in his eyes that seemed to say that he was well aware that Jude was dodging the issue.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he queried. His phone buzzed and Jude watched as Zero flicked through it casually. He wondered what it was; some kind of hot invite, or maybe Jelena needed her back scratched some more.

Jude cleared his throat and shook his head, “It means that you need to be careful with Jelena. I wasn’t kidding when I said that she means business. Piss her off and you’ll screw everything up.”

Zero rolled his eyes and leaned back onto the couch. “Anyone ever tell you that you worry too much?”

_All the time_ , Jude thought, _all the freaking time._

~

There were always many moments in life when the true meaning of the phrase ‘ _when it rains, it pours_ ’ really seemed to hit home. For Jude, it was this day. First, he discovered that someone had broken to his apartment. Given that he didn’t even live in the nice part of Studio City, it was a fucking joke. Secondly, Zero was all over the news due to a leaked email about his contact with escorts and Raquel and Sloane seemed to have Jude backed into a corner now that they knew about the coke.

All of that should have been the worst part, but that came before the drama, before he realised that _his_ house of cards was falling down around him.

Zero had pulled up in a dark blue Porsche, claiming that Jude was his agent now.

Initially, Jude was ecstatic because this was _huge_ for him.

_Goodbye junior agent, hello my main number one guy._

That might have been the moment that he started to fall because he couldn’t help thinking that this was a response to what he’d said a few days ago, about getting nothing about of Zero making it to the top. This was Zero’s way of saying that he had Jude’s back and the fact that he knew that at all was somewhat confusing. Most players cared about themselves and were too busy lavishing riches on groupies and hanger-ons to give a damn about what their agents were doing. Even Derek had only ever thrown cash at him, and usually, the leftover change was what Jude used to feed parking meters.

Zero asking him if he was _Team Zero_ felt big somehow, like the dynamic had changed and for the first time in a long time, Jude no longer felt alone.

With a mixture of emotions swirling around, Jude’s first port of call was Oscar’s office. There’s no way Oscar could give him the run-around now that he was repping a huge ball player. Right?

Wrong.

Oscar wasn’t even doing anything when Jude knocked on the office door. Truth be told, Jude hated coming to this particular room. Back when he was a kid, he always pictured Oscar’s desk. It would be big, chestnut-colored and made out of some kind of earthy wood. Something sturdy and reliable. Papers would be scattered everywhere and, maybe there’d be an open briefcase on one side. On the other, there was always a frame. A picture of him, and sometimes his mother was there too, but usually, it was a picture of him.

Unfortunately for Jude, the only pictures here were of Oscar with various Devils players past and present. There was nothing in his office that screamed _family man_ or _I have a son_. It was small things like this that made him bite his tongue about Sloane’s investigation. Sure, he was waiting on more evidence but he knew what Oscar was capable of. Just a nudge in the right direction would have the wheels turning so fast that Sloane would be caught completely unaware. Jude may have been desperate to gain his father’s approval, but he still had some morals. He had heard the rumours about the dead Devil Girl, and the coldness he’d always received from Oscar was enough to tell him that people like that didn’t care about anyone who got in their way.

“Jude,” Oscar said, in that same tone that seemed to vaguely imply that he was trespassing somehow. Or that he didn’t belong. “I’m busy right now. Come back later.”

_Busy doing what_? That’s what Jude wanted to ask but there was still this fear of reproach that kept him from talking back. From standing up for himself.

Instead he nodded sadly and left. The high from his new set of wheels and job slowly evaporated and then he realised that his phone was buzzing angrily in his pocket.

What he saw on the screen was even _worse_ than being snubbed by Oscar. He’d been Zero’s agent for a few hours and he was _already_ in the midst of a huge scandal.

Before he could even do anything about it, he had to meet Sloane. The fact that all he wanted to do was get to Zero might have been another clue. It wasn’t just, _shit this looks bad_ , it was more, _I hope that he’s okay_ . It was _personal_ and Jude needed time to process it all.

~

The thing about keeping everything inside was that Jude often created scenarios in his mind. He had a vision and nine times out of ten, it happened the way he pictured and every single controlled reaction and emotion was already locked in and loaded. When that vision crumbled around him, he was left fumbling and helpless. Much like now, in the back of Zero’s limousine. It was part of the security detail he’d organised to keep the press off Zero's heels. Jude spent much of the ride to the airport trying to convince Zero that things were fixable (even though he wasn’t as confident as he claimed he was).

Zero was clearly distraught by what had happened. The way he said, “she took _everything_ from me,” sounded like he was talking about more than just endorsements. It was raw and personal. Jude was thrown by how _open_ Zero was being. That he was willing to let his guard down in front of someone else, let alone Jude.

It stirred up an emotion in him that he’d never felt before and all he wanted to do was make everything better somehow, or _fix_ things entirely. He wanted to get rid of that broken look in Zero’s eyes and make him normal again, if that even made sense.

This was probably the moment when everything truly changed and Zero finally became something that Jude would never be able to shake. It was the moment when whatever they had between them evolved into something _more._

Zero shook his head sadly, with his voice cracking slightly as he said, “She took my reputation, all my sponsors.”

Jude looked directly at him and kept his voice low. “I'll figure something out. I'll fix it.”

He didn’t know how he would but he knew that he _had_ to.

Zero wasn’t convinced. “This is beyond fixing. I've lost everything.”

For a split second, Jude got it. He knew what is was like to feel like there was nothing. No friends, no prospects, no one onside. If anyone knew what that felt like, it was _him_. Right from when he was the quiet kid that people were afraid to speak to, to now when he was the....quiet guy that people generally avoided.

He wasn’t going to let that happen to Zero, wasn’t going to let him drown on his own.

“Listen to me,” he said, leaning forward to make sure that Zero was paying attention, “Listen to me! I was team Zero before and I’m team Zero now. We’re in this together. I will never leave you.”

In the heat of the moment, he didn’t stop to consider that Zero was still a famous ball player and he was just the lowly agent. He didn’t consider the double meaning of his words. He just said what was felt right, said what he felt in his heart.

Zero’s’ eyes softened as he regarded Jude curiously.

“No, you wouldn’t, “ he said, “Never have. I don’t know what I would do without you, Jude.” Zero punctuated his words with a hand on Jude’s knee and a spark shot up Jude’s system and he let a skip beat before he just _reacted_. He leaned forward and kissed Zero, not even realising what he was doing before Zero pulled back.

Even as Zero was asking him if he was gay, all Jude could think was _you kissed me back_ . It might have been brief but he wasn’t imagining things. There _had_ been some reciprocation. Still, he wasn’t surprised that Zero was somewhat taken aback. He wasn’t even surprised that there was no judgement.

“You’re gay, Jude,” Zero was saying before he turned to open the card door. “Be gay.”

The door slammed shut before he could get out his response but the words seemed hollow anyway.

Even if he _wasn’t_ gay, he was pretty certain that he had feelings for Zero. There was no question that Zero was an attractive guy, but it was more than that. It was that he always put Jude at ease. It was never awkward with him, never too complicated. Zero just let him be who he was and it seemed like that was rare in life.

All Jude could do was hope that he hadn’t screwed things up.

~

By the time the players arrived back from their away game, Jude had analysed the situation tenfold. He’d slowed down and replayed every single microsecond of their kiss and concluded that there’d been something there on Zero’s end. Right from the moment he kept showing up at his apartment to him confessing that he had no idea what to do without Jude. That wasn’t your usual run-of-the-mill friend talk, at least not for guys like Zero.

On the other hand, Jelena had ceremoniously dumped him and given that television interview to boot. Perhaps, Zero had just been latching onto the nearest person and it so happened to Jude. Maybe Jude had made a complete fool out of himself.

There was no way of knowing because Zero showed up at his apartment like nothing had happened. He was bitching about some lost endorsement, but all Jude could think was: _I kissed you. I fucking kissed you_.

Zero seemed to catch on because he said, “Can you stop daydreaming about me for five seconds and help me figure out how to salvage this wreck?”

There was no malice in his tone, just what seemed like genuine frustration over the shitstorm that Jelena (or Zero himself) had ignited.

“You know, none of this would have happened if you’d just kept a discreet profile and stuck to our original plan,” Jude answered, and because he could totally do sassy, he added, “and maybe you could have learned a bible quote about redemption so that you wouldn’t have stumbled in front of those reporters.”

Zero’s faux Christian persona was always one of those things that Jude didn’t really get. Why would anyone pretend to be someone that they're not? It was futile and eventually the paint would wear thin. Not that he ever said that to Zero; it seemed like the was a story there and Jude wasn’t here to judge.

To his credit, Zero took the comment in his stride. “I’ll be sure to let everyone know that you’re secretly moonlighting as Captain Hindsight.”

Jude snorted a gentle laugh in response and briefed a small sigh of relief when Zero grinned back at him.

Neither of them mentioned the kiss.

~

In the days that followed, Zero’s demeanour began to change. He wasn’t coping well with all of the negative attention and Jude was the only person giving him the time of day. The rest of the team were keeping their distance, no doubt protecting their own images and endorsements.

That, and the fact that he was now Zero’s agent, made him recipient of a variety of comments that all seemed to hint at their kiss. There was no explicit mention, just thinly veiled barbs, small comments designed to rile Jude up. Zero was always remorseful each time even if he didn’t say as much. There’d be an apologetic smile, a bashful expression here and there and he _always_ seemed to be around.

Jude wasn’t used to attention yet. Even though Zero had come to his place a few times, each instance after the kiss came with an additional layer of confusion.

In the end, when Danny, the photographer’s assistant at an Inside Sports shoot, gave him his number, he accepted. He didn't know anything about dating _guys_ but after some deep reflection, he realised that he knew less about being with girls. Even his brief flirtation with Raquel had been more about getting Lionel to provide the celebrity presence that Oscar coveted.

It was surprise that had him take Danny's card. Surprise that anyone wanted to date him, let alone a guy. And if he was honest with himself he'd admit that Zero brushing off the kiss stung no matter how vehemently he'd denied coming onto him.

After what felt like hours of deliberation, Jude finally called Danny and invited him to Kyle’s housewarming party. It was neutral ground and maybe he could work the room in Zero’s favour. The fact that he would be on a date with another guy to do some damage control for the guy that he'd _kissed_ was weird, but he chose not to dwell in it. He mentally processed it as a standard, run-of-the-mill date. They would just be getting drinks, letting loose. Having fun.

All of the things that he generally didn’t do.

Naturally, Zero breezed into the picture with a level of disruption that seemed to be unique to him. Zero was only in his apartment for all of two minutes before he was saying that Jude seemed ‘ _antsier than usual_ ’, whatever the hell that even _meant_.

If anything, it was Zero who was in a mood. They'd both watched the _Entertainment_ _Tonight_ special together and witnessed Ahsha admitting she had leaked the email that had caused Zero's stock to fall. Jude didn't really know Ahsha, but he knew enough to know that while she may have fanned the flames, Jelena was the one who'd started the fire.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you have your own reasons to get to this party,” Zero added before Jude could even deny being _antsier than usual_.

For whatever reason he chose to tell the truth and said, “I maybe told someone I’d be there.”

He regretted it instantly when Zero’s eyes narrowed and he all but demanded to know who the mystery person was. Jude looked down, suddenly wishing that he’d kept his big mouth shut. Impulsively making a date with Danny was one thing, but confessing to it was another.

Still, once again, he couldn’t lie. “Danny, the photographer’s assistant from the shoot.”

Immediately after, he wondered why he hadn’t just lied and said Derek, or anybody else. Something that wouldn’t have Zero looking at him the way he was now, eyes narrowed suspiciously even as he scratched at his head nonchalantly and insisted that he didn't want to go to the party.

Jude didn't blame him. It would take a lot to face the very same people that had been judging Zero for the past few days, even more to be in the same room as Ahsha and bite his tongue. However, if Zero was seriously about dragging himself out of the hole he'd dug himself, this was what he had to do.

Half an hour later and after watching Zero go through what felt like half his wardrobe, Jude slowly began to lose his patience. They were going to this party _for_ Zero, to show a united front, to make sure that everyone was cool with him. The last thing Zero had any room to do was gripe and moan, yet that’s all he did.

Jude wasn’t surprised to hear Zero asking if he had anything else and he heard himself snapping: “You look pretty, let’s go. While there’s still a party to go to.”

Zero’s response was quick and completely off the mark. “I’m sure Danny, the photographer’s assistant, will be fine.”

Jude scoffed because right now, Danny was the furthest thing from his mind. Zero might have lapsed into self-destructive mode but Jude always had his eye on the ball. If anything, Zero’s mind had been on Danny more than his.

The thought made Jude pause. He stepped towards Zero and felt the corners of his mouth tilt upwards.

“Sounds like you’re jealous,” he said.

From the way Zero tensed almost immediately,Jude knew that he’d hit onto something, It was flattering in a way. Jude didn’t think that anyone had ever been _jealous_ over him before. It was a good feeling and seemed to give him some newfound confidence.

Conversely, Zero was so thrown that his response barely made any sense. “Really Jude? What’s next, you’re gonna double dog dare me to go?”

“Do you not wanna go to the party or do you not want _me_ to go to the party?” Jude asked, because at this point Zero was being downright petulant. It was starting to annoy Jude but he wasn’t about to let that show.

“No one’s stopping you,” Zero claimed, and Jude almost laughed. After an hour of point blank refusal to go, Zero knew damn well that he was in fact preventing Jude from going to the party. That he could stand here and claim otherwise was the final straw for Jude and he decided that _he_ was going to be the one to bring up the kiss.

"If I did kiss you on purpose in that car, and I'm not saying that I did, it's not because I'm crazy. It's not because I was going off of nothing,” he said, watching Zero’s face closely to gage a reaction.

Zero shrugged as if to ask, ‘ _what do you want me to say_?’ and Jude found that his patience had finally worn thin. He was jumping off this merry-go-round before it spun too fast and threw him any more off-track than he was already.  

He moved to walk past Zero and said, "Fine. Have it your way. Danny's waiting."

Zero may not have wanted to talk about what happened but it didn’t mean that Jude had to stand here and take his rejection either. He’d done that too many times in life but he knew that if he walked away now, everything would change. _They_ would change and that was the last thing he wanted.

Zero’s hand was a hard weight on his chest as he tried to walk past and Jude felt his heartbeat quicken. For all of his bravado a few minutes earlier, inside he was a tangle of nerves.

“You don’t even know the guy,” Zero told him softly, and suddenly it was like being doused in ice water.

“I’m about to,” he replied testily and he tried to sidestep Zero again,

This time he _meant_ to leave.

However, Zero stopped him with more than a hand this time. The kiss seemed to melt away the coldness before that was replaced by pure shock. Even though he’d been pushing at it in the past few minutes, he wasn’t expecting Zero to _kiss_ him.

He certainly wasn’t expecting any of what happened _after_ the kiss.

~

Perhaps it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, but they didn’t talk about it. It became a routine of sorts. They’d bump into each other at the arena, Jude would give Zero any updates and then come evening time, Zero would either be waiting on his couch or not. If was he there, one thing would lead to another. Maybe they’d get caught up watching SportsCenter, and Jude would drum his fingers on his thighs and desperately pretend that it didn’t matter that in five minutes Zero would turn and kiss him. That’s how it always started; Jude never initiated anything because it was kind of new. Obviously he didn’t suck at it, because he hadn’t received any complaints, but the easy _casualness_ of it all didn’t sit well with him. After, when they were lying sated, both breathing heavily, he’d think about how this wasn’t what he wanted.

He wanted Zero, but not like this. Not these hidden moments in the dark. The kind of relationship where it was just sex and nothing else. It reminded him too much of what he saw via the agency. One minute a player was claiming that he was in love with a girl, and the next, it was his job to remove all traces of her from the player’s _Instagram_ . That kind of meaningless, fleeting fling is what he didn’t want. He wasn’t Jelena, he wasn’t in anything for the fame and fortune. All he wanted to do was his job. He could do that _without_ fucking his first major client.

He didn't stop it, though, because it was like he was a moth drawn to a flame.

If Zero asked him to stop by his place, Jude would oblige and let himself get lost in Zero. It was always fiery and passionate with them and even though that sounded very Harlequin-ish, it was the only way Jude could describe it. It was as if they were both battling against something - each other maybe. Jude was fighting the fact that as good as everything was, there was still something _missing_ and Zero...well, Zero was _Zero_ . Jude was ninety-nine percent sure that Zero _did_ feel something for him. Even before things were physical, there’d been something there.

Asking for clarification just seemed like the thing to do.

~

Jude didn’t get the answers that he wanted.

_We’re having a good time._

_I don’t do relationships._

He didn’t get the answers he wanted, but he didn’t walk away either.

~

After another day of trying to do damage control for Oscar _and_ Zero, Jude found himself annoyed that his space had been invaded once again. It was his fault really, he’d given Zero a spare key (only because Zero somehow knew how to let himself in and that freaked him out). He didn’t do this, didn’t let anyone into his space and today was the reason why. Today, he was ready to just fall face down onto his bed and stay there until it was time to get up again.

“Whoa, _Donnie Darko_ , what’s up with you?” Zero said when Jude entered his apartment and hung his jacket up.

“Not now, Zero,” Jude snapped. “It’s been a long day. Actually, I’m not even in the mood for...whatever.”

He tripped over his words, not wanting to subject himself to another lecture on why Zero didn’t ‘do’ relationships.

“That’s fine, we can just...hang out,” Zero smirked. “Next time I’ll call ahead. Maybe see if you're up for some Netflix and chill.”

He chuckled, like everything was a big joke.

Jude merely stared at him. “Funny.”

He didn’t make any moves to throw Zero out, though, he just headed towards the shower and spent as long as he could before he came out.

Zero was gone when he finally re-emerged.

~

Later that night, Lionel was sitting on her couch in what appeared to be threadbare sweatpants and an oversized shirt. Apparently a major movie flop was enough to get her to dress down inside her own house. Jude was only here because she was the only person who knew about his current dilemma regarding Oscar.

However, she was more interested in either talking about _Ecstasy_ or his mystery ‘boyfriend’ but she quickly seemed to sense that he was genuinely troubled.

“Look, why don’t you just go to Oscar and see what he says?” she suggested when he tuned out of whatever she was saying for the fifth time. “He knows a lot of shady people that could probably get you out of your prison situation.”

Jude was considering it, especially because he could sense that things with Derek were on shaky ground. They might have agreed to be each other’s alibis but with Zero leaking stuff to the press (and blatantly at that), he could tell that he was on thin ice.

Still, there was something holding him back.

“I don’t know how much good that will do, it’s not like Oscar cares whether or not I rot in prison.”

To his surprise, Lionel clapped her hands together emphatically. “Exactly. Move on. Let whatever happens to Oscar happen. Stop worrying about it when he wouldn’t even afford you half a thought if your roles were reversed.”

“You know, you should take your own advice,” Jude replied, suddenly not wanting to even _think_ about Oscar anymore. “Don’t let a few bad reviews define the rest of your career. Don’t get too down.”

Lionel let out a bemused laugh. “Jude, I’m fine. I mean, do I look like I’m bothered?”

Considering that she was makeup free and her usually perfect hair was in a messy bun, the answer was _yes_.

Jude kept his succinct as possible. “You’re wearing sweatpants that are probably older than I am.”

Lionel scoffed and threw a plump red cushion at him. “Hey, these are my favourite. I wore them when Pete filed for divorce.”

She didn’t talk about Pete much but there was clearly some unresolved tension there. It was obvious that she had feelings for him (and even more obvious that Pete was only ever going to be serious about Sloane).

“Speaking of Pete….” Jude trailed off because he wasn’t exactly an expert on relationships. He’d never really been in one. It always seemed easier from the outside looking in, but he’d gone through enough with Zero to know that wasn’t the case.

“What about him?” Lionel asked. It sounded as though she was trying too hard to pass for nonchalance. “He’s old news. He’s...like old sweatpants.”

Jude blinked. He wasn’t really good with metaphors, much less Lionel’s. Maybe it was a Hollywood thing. Everything was either a metaphor that didn’t make sense or a cliche that only existed in the movies.

“I’ve never really got why people even keep old sweatpants,” Jude said. What? He never said he was any good at heart-to-hearts either. He didn’t have a clue about healthy or unhealthy marriages. His mom never remarried, and there were never any guys around either. Just them.

“They’re comfortable,” Lionel answered him. “Why would you want to change that? Or get rid of that feeling? You hold onto that feeling for as long as possible.”

Jude shifted on the couch, his fingers itched to write this down. It couldn’t be any worse than whatever he had running through his mind.

“Okay, I get that, but when do you eventually get over it?”

“When they’re falling to pieces and the wind hits you one too many times,” Lionel replied. “That’s the point at which you finally confine them to history.”

_History._

Jude didn’t think that she was at that point with Pete but somehow the words were resonating with _him_. His life had been defined by screwed up relationships. His non-relationship with Oscar. The breakdown of his parent’s marriage. He had always promised himself that things would be different when it was his time. That he’d never be with someone who made him as angry and bitter as his mom was whenever the name Oscar was mentioned. He’d been skirting around the issue but it was clear that Zero wasn’t the answer.

What they were doing just wasn’t working; it wasn’t enough.

~

In the end, everything spiralled out of control like he knew it would. Just as he had suspected, Zero had overplayed his hand and blown their plan out of the water. Revealing Terrence’s injury wasn’t the smartest move to make but Jude had been too busy being relieved that it wasn’t anything about Derek and the coke to truly see just how stupid it had been.

Now he was being backed up into a corner by Derek’s towering presence, wondering why he’d ever talked Zero into coming to LA in the first place. He wasn’t any closer to Oscar. He wasn’t any closer to be taken seriously as an agent.

When Derek uttered the words _drown bitch_ , Jude realised that he’d been underwater for a while now. Losing his alibi for the night of Olivia’s murder was the point of no return. He finally had to man up and take what he knew to Oscar. Maybe his admission would buy him some goodwill just in case the police really had their sights set on him.

The drive up to the house was familiar. It was weird that he had to be let in each time but at the same time, it wasn’t. It was yet another symbol of their dysfunctional relationship.

Oscar was reading the paper when Jude entered his office and said, “Oscar, have a second?”

Oscar looked up briefly before he went back to staring at his paper. There was no answer. Oscar always seemed to have the same body language whenever he saw Jude. Aloof, uncaring, and cold. Jude stepped into the office hesitantly and took a deep breath as he approached Oscar’s oversized desk. His father looked small in his big leather chair but his presence was larger than life just as always.

“I agonized over this but I finally decided that I have to tell you something, something I've known about for a while and I should have told you sooner, no matter what it cost me,” Jude started right away. He’d more or less gone over what he was planning to say a thousand times on the drive over. It was all locked and loaded inside his head.

All it took was two words from Oscar to throw him off balance.

Oscar stood and walked around his desk, stopping in front. “I know.”

Jude was confused. Oscar knew what? He knew about the fraud investigation, knew that _Jude_ knew?

He didn’t have to wait long to get answers to this questions. What Oscar _knew_ was that he’d met with Olivia and that she had something on him. Something that could get him to stand against Oscar. The implication alone was enough for Jude to know that he’d been wasting his time these past few months. After everything he’d done, it was like a harsh slap in the face. A knife in the back.

Oscar wasn’t done yet, though, there was one more wound to inflict and Jude watched on as glee danced all over Oscar’s face.

"Your neighbour says you have a regular visitor. A gentleman. Apparently your walls are thin and the two of you are rather loud.”

The sad thing was that telling Oscar about Zero had never crossed his mind. It was a good thing too because he wouldn’t have been able to prepare a script for this.

In a desperate attempt to salvage the tatters of his relationship with Oscar, Jude found himself saying, "Dad, I..."

The sharp expression on Oscar's face caused him to trail off and Jude knew that they were irretrievably broken. There was no coming back from this moment.

“I don't have a son,” Oscar told him, with nothing but contempt in his tone. “I assume that's all you came to say.”

Despite the rejection, Jude still considered telling Oscar that Sloane had some real dirt on him, but he knew that it wouldn't change anything. Somehow, it would be his fault. It was easier to just say nothing and let Oscar deal with his own mess.

“Yeah, that's all.”

~

“I keep reaching out to people,” Jude said to Zero sometime later. “To Oscar. You. Just once I'd like someone to reach back.”

He didn't even know what Zero was doing here, much less why he'd stuck around to listen to him talk about Oscar. Lionel was usually Jude's first port of call, but she'd sounded upset on the phone. He didn't want to add his crap to whatever she was going through. By the time he reached his apartment, he'd only just slumped in front of the couch when Zero let himself in.

“Spill,” is all he said when he caught wind of Jude's demeanour and here they were.

Jude was just waiting for another line about how Zero didn't do conversations like this when he heard the sound of his drawer opening. He watched as Zero extracted the red envelope and came to settle down next to him. The envelope was placed on the floor and Jude stared at it before he picked it up. It seemed crazy that two hours ago, the envelope had been the main cause of his ire. Going to prison for distribution had been his biggest worry, but now he had to deal with being disowned by a father who'd never claimed him in the first place. It was a lot to process for _him_ , much less Zero, but surprisingly, the other man had just listened. And now...He was reaching out.

“You overheard my conversation with Derek about the coke,” Jude said. His eyes were firmly on Zero as he tried to catalogue every single emotion. Given that Zero was practically obsessed with taking over the team, passing up the opportunity to bring down Derek was huge.

“Don't make a thing out of it,” Zero said when Jude merely pointed that out. He seemed uncomfortable but that didn't bother Jude. No one had ever stuck their neck on the line like that. Not for him.

He listened to Zero's story about his upbringing and he realised that they weren't that different. Jude was desperate for Oscar's approval and Zero was determined to prove that his foster parents had been wrong to call him Zero; wrong to tell him that he'd never amount to anything.

Even though, Zero dodged the question about his real name, Jude knew that he'd gotten more out of Zero than anyone else had.

~

From what his mother told him, love was something that blindsided people. It crept up on you and slapped you in the face when you weren't looking. At least, that's how she always described her relationship with Oscar. She fell fast and hard and came out of it with regrets, pain and a whole host of _never agains._ Jude didn't really understand what she meant until he had to watch Zero flirting with the woman greeting the guests at Lionel's wedding. The switch was seamless; one minute Zero was telling him to relax and the next, _he_ was the one causing Jude's tension to rise. It seemed a tad insensitive given that his _father_ was about to marry Lionel Davenport, of all people, and only days after he'd kicked Jude to the curb. It left a bad taste in his mouth and most of all, it _hurt._

Perhaps he was just sensitive given where he was, but it felt like it was more than that.

~

Once the guests left, Jude stuck around to have a chat with Lionel. Oscar was in his private den smoking cigars with his rich buddies so Jude didn't have to cross paths with him. He hadn't told Lionel what happened the last time he was here so he took his chance now.

“Don't worry about it,” she said cryptically after he told her. “I'll take care of it.”

Jude wasn't going to accept that as an answer. There's no way that she was marrying Oscar for love, so that left two choices. She was either doing this for the money or to get back at Pete.

“Why would you even marry Oscar at all?” he questioned her. “Especially after everything I've told you.”

Lionel shrugged nonchalantly. “I'm tired of men, Jude. They take what they want and toss you aside. Pete. Oscar. It's time that they have something taken from them.

“I have some dirt on your father. Something that'll put him away for a long time. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before but, you're sentimental. You probably would have stopped me from setting my plan in motion.”

Jude wanted to deny her words but he couldn't. It was true. And right now, he was glad that she was here to stab Oscar in the back in a way that he'd never be able to.

“Thank you,” he replied. “But that's not all. There's something you're not telling me. What did Pete do his time?”

Considering that he'd watched as Lionel stumbled down her destructive path, Jude thought that he should feel guilty. He didn't. His dalliance with Zero had helped him to see that sometimes, people couldn't help themselves. Sometimes people went against their own interests and there was nothing that anyone could do to stop them. If anything he was just disappointed _for_ her.

“I was pregnant and now I’m not.”

Lionel spoke so nonchalantly that it took a few seconds for Jude process the implication of her words.

_Shit_.

“Lionel, I’m sorry,” Jude said. He wanted to say more but this was the one situation that he couldn’t bullshit his way through. There was no protocol for this, no script.

Lionel smiled sadly, but it didn’t match the dark look in her eyes. “It’s not your fault, Jude. It’s Pete’s and I intend to make him _very_ sorry.”

“Is that why you married Oscar?” Jude asked. “To get back at Pete.”

Lionel chuckled bitterly. “Don’t forget _Sloane_ .” Jude sighed and shook his head gently. In a way, both he and Lionel were right back where they'd started. Angry and abandoned by the people who were supposed to be there for them. While he wasn't going to judge Lionel for doing what she needed to do, he also didn't want to end up so twisted over someone that he lost sight of who _he_ was.

“Anyway, screw them, I've got a wedding night to enjoy!” Lionel leaned over to top up their glasses of champagne while Jude ignored the _wedding night_ comment. “What's up with you and your boy?”

Jude paused mid-sip and exclaimed, “He's _not_ my boy! He's not my anything. He...I don't know what he wants.” He chased down the words with a large swig and coughed when the bubble tickled his throat.

Lionel snorted. “Sounds like you’ve picked real winner. You know, Pete and I used to share a crappy twin bed in my apartment back when we first got together.  Yeah...We used to be all scrunched up and close. Then the money came. The beds got bigger and suddenly we were sleeping on Egyptian cotton and super king beds, a million miles away from each other.”

Jude appreciated the story but he wasn't sure what Lionel was getting at. Particularly because her words didn't exactly ring true.  
  
His eyebrows shot upward. “You grew up in _Malibu_ and your parents rented a beachfront apartment for you when you were done with drama school. Your dad was an influential banker and your mom's parents were loaded. Even if that wasn't the case, Pete was raking in millions by the time you met him at that Grammy's afterparty. Something tells me that neither of you have even seen a twin bed for a _long_ time.”  
  
“Impressive," Lionel said with a slick smile, "and hey, everyone embellishes their life story now and then. I'm just saying that maybe keeping what you and your boyfriend have behind closed doors isn't necessarily a bad idea. Especially when you have enemies.”.

“He's not my _boyfriend_ ,” Jude snapped petulantly.

Lionel leaned back on the couch and raised her glass to her red stained lips. After a long sip, she looked at him and said, “Maybe that's the problem.”  


Jude pinched the bridge of his nose and wondered how they'd even gotten onto this subject.

He was tired of thinking about it.

~

The final championship game against Boston came and went. The Devils won the championship, thanks to both Zero and Derek. Terrence Wall had played his part too before his injury and it made Jude wonder if any of what he and Zero had done was worth it. After all, no one made it to the top _alone_.

Relationship drama aside, Jude had mentally willed Zero on and he was proud that Zero had put in what was basically an MVP performance. Unfortunately for him, Derek had taken a chance and refused to pass to Zero when he was wide open in the right flank. It was crazy to think that the difference between MVP would be one shot and _timing_.

The elation of _winning_ was quickly vaporized by Oscar's arrest. Jude wasn't surprised to hear that it was for the murder of Mia, the dead Devil Girl. Rumors had been circulating for awhile now, but everyone knew that Oscar always covered his tracks.  

_Almost_ always.

Jude tried his best not to visibly react when Oscar was being taken away. It was no longer his problem. In fact, he's not sure that he would have done things the same way had he known that Sloane had evidence of _murder._ Jude was a lot of things - an opportunist, a schemer, occasional dealer and hopelessly naive - but he wasn't someone who dabbled in being a party to murder. Lionel didn't seem too surprised by what was going on and he knew that he'd have to extract the details from her somehow.

Before that, there was one more chapter for him to close. Oscar was right about one thing. Jude needed to be more like his mom. He needed to stand up for himself and try to do what was best for him. That meant not accepting a position in the shadows, and it meant that he was done being Zero's dirty little secret. What they had was more than just _sex,_ it was... _everything_ , but it was hanging by a loose thread.

Jude had to cut it before it broke because he couldn't take anymore heartbreak and that's where things were headed.

By the time he caught up with Zero, it was a few hours after Oscar's arrest. The team had dispersed quickly and Jude had been waiting in the hallway but after there was no sign of Zero, he headed into the locker room. He rounded a corner before his spotted Zero sitting on one of the benches with his head bowed down. He was probably upset about not getting MVP. Jude had seen Derek ignore Zero's call for the ball, but, that was to be expected after what they'd done.

“Congratulations,” he said, even though it felt like the wrong thing to say. “Ring number two.”

“I didn't come here to be some schmuck on the team,” Zero complained because that's what's everything came down to. The team. His brand. How good he looked. It was all about Zero. “I came here to be the star. That's what you promised me. Instead, I lost everything.”

_What about me_ , Jude thought, although, he already knew that answer. He was disposable. Another notch on Zero's bedpost. While he'd been thinking about kissing Zero after the Devil's won the championship, Zero had been thinking about _zeroes._ That only reinforced the decision he'd made in that hallway when Oscar has been taken away. For him to make a fresh start, he needed a clean break away from everything.

Including Zero.

They traded some more verbal blows before Jude finally walked away. Perhaps he _was_ projecting on Zero but if he was hurt now, it would only be worse in the long run.

If he left now, maybe it would hurt less.

He was almost gone when Zero threw him an olive branch.

“Gideon.”

Jude stopped and turned around. He knew what Zero was saying but he needed to be sure.

“What?”

“Gideon,” Zero said. “That's my real name.”

Jude regarded Zero carefully before he smiled softly. It wasn't the grand declaration he was after but still more than he thought he'd ever get.

“I'd love to take Gideon on a date,” Jude replied. “To a public place. And listen to him tell me exactly who he is. If you want that, give me a call sometime.”

This time he left before Zero could respond. If anything, they both knew that Zero wouldn't call _._ Maybe Jude was trying to oversimplify a complicated situation but it was more about Zero _wanting_ to be seen with him than actually doing it.

Either way, it's not like it mattered anymore.

~

Zero didn't call.

It was expected but it hurt all the same. They saw each other in passing from time to time. Jude wasn't working with the Devils anymore, but being the stepson of the current owner meant he could come and go as he pleased. Plus, Lionel was like a fish out of water and he enjoyed helping her out. The agency had set him with a couple of rookie players but now that he wasn't trying to get into his father's good books, he realised that being an agent wasn't what he wanted to do. Working within the Devils hierarchy had always been the dream and in a way, it still was.

However, he soldiered on and kept his head down. With Oscar in jail, a few journalists had honed in on him, only giving up when they realised that he knew Oscar as well as they did. He didn't go to see Oscar; didn't get a visitor's request either. Not even when Oscar was denied bail for the third time. Jude had prepared himself just in case but he was glad to be free of Oscar; free of Zero.

Wait, who was he kidding? He was lonely and miserable and there wasn't much anyone could do about it. Lionel might have been his stepmother, but that didn't mean they went shopping together. Lionel seemed to be taking her role at the Devils very seriously and Jude knew that her weird hyperfocus on the team was directly related to Pete and Sloane. He never asked what her overall end goal was, even though she had no such qualms when she was bugging him about his ‘mystery guy’. That she hadn't put two and two together was only a testament of how wrapped up in the team she'd been.

Speaking of Zero, Jude found himself eyeing up the brown cardboard box where he'd placed Zero's things. That always seemed like something exclusively done by characters on television, but packing it all up had given Jude a strange sense of catharsis. Now all he had to do was work up the nerve to drop the box off at Zero's house.

Driving there was no problem, but actually getting out of his car and making his way up to the house was harder than expected. In the end, Zero came to him. There was a loud rap on the window and Jude jumped so abruptly that he hit his head on the top of the inner roof. It's only when he caught wind of Zero's indifferent expression staring through the window that he remembered why he was here.

“You know, security told me that you were down here an hour ago,” Zero informed him gruffly. Jude felt himself blushing; he didn't realise that so much time had passed.

“I got lost in thought,” he replied meekly. It was the truth after all.

Zero eyed him carefully before he shrugged. “Guess I'll see you inside.”

He retreated before Jude could say anything about the box. Jude wondered if it was normal to feel like Zero had somehow managed to be the one controlling the situation. He'd broken things off but Zero choosing not to call meant that he was in the driving seat. At least until Jude showed up tonight. It was that thought that had Jude climbing out of his car. With a heavy sigh, he slammed the door shut and reached into the back to grab the box. Resting on top was the signed framed shirt he'd been 'gifted’ when Zero first arrived in Los Angeles. Currently, it was just a painful reminder that he didn't need in his home.

He didn't have to press the bell because the door was slightly ajar. Jude didn't know if he should be offended that Zero was so sure that he was coming in. Still, he entered and made sure to close the door behind him. And then he faltered because closing it meant that he was _staying_ and that wasn't the plan. The plan was to dump the box on Zero's doorstep and then drive away.

So much for that.

“What's in the box?” Zero asked when he came venturing into the hallway. He was dressed in an expensive looking jacket, dark jeans and expensive sneakers and Jude wondered if he'd been on his way out before he somehow spotted Jude's presence outside. Although, Zero had been papped at his fair of parties, there hadn't been many pictures of the past month or so. Some online commenters joked that Zero was probably hibernating until he came up with another character but Jude was well aware that it was an _actual_ possibility. On the flip side, any respectable agent would have told Zero to keep a low profile if he wanted the upcoming season to go better than the last.

“Uh, some stuff you left over at my apartment,” Jude answered before things could become increasingly awkward. “I needed the space so... I thought I'd bring it back.”

Zero quirked up an eyebrow and Jude winced inwardly. _Needed the space_ had been his third choice of excuse but the first that came to mind. He was terrible at this song and dance. He didn't know what the post _not-really-dating_ protocol was.

“The shirt was a gift,” Zero said. His voice was hard and Jude could see the tense lines of his shoulders. He set the box down by the empty coat hanger and rubbed his suddenly clammy hands on his pants.

Jude cleared his throat nervously before he said, “Well, you can re-gift it to your new agent. I don't...I don't want it anymore.”

It was a barefaced lie but Zero didn't need to know that.

Zero didn't seem impressed by his answer. He huffed petulantly and folded his arms. “That's bullshit, Jude. Just admit that you're angry that I didn't call. That I _haven't_ called.”

Jude snorted at the word choice. “We both knew that you wouldn't. This - me giving you your stuff - has been long overdue. This is me moving on.”

“Oh and you decided to drive all the way up here instead of just mailing it to me like a normal person?” Zero snapped.

Jude scoffed. “Have you seen the postage prices these days?”

He didn't know why he was cracking jokes in the middle of what was about to be a tense argument, but it was worth it when Zero chuckled and let the angry mask on his face slip away.

“Listen, Jude, I'm sorry for the way things went down between us,” Zero began, before he took a step forward. “I wish things had happened differently.”

Even though what he was saying was just _words,_ Zero appeared to be sincere. Jude just couldn't overlook the disconnect between Zero's words and actions. He didn't want to hop onto this ride all while knowing it would end badly.

“Whatever,” he said flippantly before he turned and walked out of Zero's house.

~

It took Zero less than two hours to show up at Jude's place. He was in the same clothes as before with the exception of the jacket. He looked irritated as he burst into Jude's apartment with all of the subtlety of a clown at a church service. Jude steeled himself as he looked up from the _Frasier_ reruns he'd been watching.

“I want my key back,” he said instantly. This was the first time Zero had used the key since they'd broken up but that was besides the point. Zero didn't get to just come and go as he pleased anymore. To his credit, Zero didn't argue, he just yanked the keys out of his pocket and fiddled with the ring for a few seconds before he extracted the key. Jude felt something ride in his chest. In a way, the fact that Zero still had they key have him hope. It was a fleeting emotion but there nonetheless.

Zero held it up and said, “I'll give it back on one condition.”

“What?” Jude asked softly because he was curious _dammit._ This was what he hadn't wanted. Feeling like he was a piece of string being tugged back and forth.

“Just...Talk to me,” Zero said surprisingly. “Tell me that you're doing okay. Tell me if you're not. I...We haven't spoken since Oscar was taken away and that's got to be hard on you.”

To say that Jude was taken aback would be an understatement.

“You expect me to believe that you care about any of that?” he replied coldly. “If you wanted to know, you could have _called_.”

“I didn't know what to say,” Zero told him simply. “I'm not that guy that people come to for heart-to-hearts. I'm the guy that provides body shots - or Bible quotes depending on the situation, but yeah, I'm not that person. But I'm not _heartless_. I know that you're probably here every night, thinking yourself to death. Maybe you'd feel better if you just... unloaded on someone else for once.”

It sounded too good to be true but maybe Jude was a sucker for a shoulder to cry on. He had Lionel to confide in but that was not the same.

Talking to Zero was safe. Easy. He would just say what he needed to say before sending Zero on his way.

~

The next afternoon found Jude driving to a frame replacement store.

Zero might have been a good listener and he might understand Jude in a way that no one else did, but it turned out that he was still a coward. He still knew how to break Jude's heart. The previous night started well enough once Jude realised that fighting Zero was pointless. They talked. About Oscar. About the Devils, about their failed plans. It had been going rather well until Zero kissed him. It caught Jude off guard but not enough for him to shut things down.

One minute, they were sitting on the couch and the next they were leaving a trail of clothes in the direction of Jude's bedroom. After that, the night was a blur but he'd woken up with the right ache in the right places. Except, once he gained his bearings, he'd realised that the spot beside him was cold. He got up and padded out of his bedroom and stopped cold when he saw that the vacant spot on his wall was now occupied with the framed Zero Devils shirt.

The shattered glass that appeared after he threw his remote control at the frame seemed to mirror how he felt.

And then he happened to look down and catch sight of a piece of paper resting on the corner of his coffee table. His spare key was placed on top of it and Zero's messy handwriting was visible even without picking it up.

All that was written was one word.

_Sorry._

Hours later and here he was, repairing the frame. Zero's blatant power move aside, the shirt still represented something. In spite of everything, he'd still made it into the Devils fold. That particular dream wasn't dead yet and Zero was a stepping stone that couldn't be scrubbed clean.

Jude just had to deal with it.

~

They say that good things come in threes, but for Jude it was more like one good thing, one slightly conflicting thing and one extremely conflicting thing.

First, he got a call from Zero. An honest to God phone call. Not a stupid text message or email but a call. It didn't last long - Zero just told him to meet him somewhere - but it was still a phone call.

It turned out that Zero wanted him to be his agent again but Jude was hesitant to repeat history.

It took a while for Jude to concede that it didn't change anything. He was all about sticking to his resolve and not letting people push him around. What good would it be if he threw all of that away for Zero? However, his career seemed to be in free fall. Representing rookies and advising Lionel wasn't exactly the epitome of _progressing_. He wanted something more.

Fortunately for him, the second thing was a job offer. Executive Vice President of Business Operations of the Los Angeles Devils. His first thought when Lionel offered it to him was to say no and just stick with what he knew. He could follow Zero around to meetings and events and work his way up slowly. However, everyone had seen just how quickly things could change. This could be his only chance to grab what he wanted and for the first time in his life, he sat down and really thought about what _he_ wanted. Zero wanted _him_ but not enough to come out and say it. Agreeing to be his agent again would only end badly.

EVP just seemed like the smarter choice.

Zero didn't seem too upset when Jude told him. If anything, he was giving off weird vibes. Not bad weird but _flirty weird._ Jude didn't reciprocate. He wasn't ready to engage in any long, drawn out verbal foreplay. It wasn't his style and it wasn't _them._

~

Lionel had this habit of setting Jude up with guys. By setting him up he meant sending him pictures and captioning them with 'he’s cute!’. After the first two, he began to delete them without looking closely. Zero was the first person he'd ever really been with and even then, he'd taken an almost insurmountable leap into whatever they had. Clearly he didn't know what he was doing. So when she informed him that Lucas had been flirting with him during negations, he was genuinely flustered _and_ confused.

He didn't want to screw up the first major task he'd been given (getting Derek Roman to sign a new contract) and he didn't want to let Lionel down, not when she she'd shown more faith in him than Oscar ever had. Plus, Lucas wasn't exactly hard on the eyes. Despite being a former co-worker, he hadn't really spent much time with Lucas. He was a senior agent that dealt with heavyweight contracts like Derek Roman's. Jude was the guy who was sent to get creamer and milk. Their paths had only ever crossed briefly.

However, Lucas was into him. Genuinely into him and it was strange just how _good_ it made Jude feel. With Zero, he'd fallen into it and there wasn't any awkward getting to know each other phase. This thing with Lucas felt like the normalcy Jude had been craving. They were here out in the open and no one cared.

When Lucas asked him out, the only answer playing on his mind was yes.

Naturally, reality came crashing down on the picture Jude was painting and brought Zero along with it. Jude saw him even before he appeared behind Lucas. They'd been going through Derek's contract in a quiet area of the Playground and Zero's intrusion was unwelcome.

“Where have you been?” Zero asked in a tone that was unbecoming of him. He stood just behind Lucas and added more about _Trojan_ blowing up his phone. Jude barely refrained from rolling his eyes.

Lucas, to his credit, handled it well. He gathered up his papers and bid Jude farewell, barely sparing a glance at Zero. It made him like Lucas even more.

Zero, on the other hand, was starting to irritate him. It was obvious that he'd put two and two together and correctly come up with four. Jude could tell from the look in his eyes and the way he casually took Lucas's abandoned seat. Two months earlier and this kind of possessiveness would have been music to his ears but right now it was just grating and _wrong._

When Zero placed his hand on his, Jude hesitated before he pulled it back. He didn't get where all of this was coming from. They'd barely spoken in the past four months, hadn't at all since they slept together and now Zero was all over him and actually acknowledging him in public. Zero didn't know what had changed but the timing was off; it was too little, too late.

~

The date with Lucas went horribly wrong. In fact, given that he’d received a pep talk from Lionel beforehand (after she picked out something for him to wear), he should have seen this coming. Lionel assured him that awkward first dates were a rite of passage but this was beyond that. This was hell. Everything reminded him of Zero; both things he'd done and things he hadn't done. He couldn't stop himself from talking about him or finally admitting out loud that he'd been _in love_ with Zero. It felt too real all of a sudden and one look at Lucas was enough to tell him that he was screwing this up. Apparently it was weird that he hadn't been with anyone else since Zero, but his life wasn't something out of a ridiculous soap opera. He wasn't the kind of person who _used_ other people to make himself feel better.

He didn't know how to convey that to Lucas so he didn't, not that he could get a word in edgewise past the constant buzzing of Lucas's phone.

“It's Zero,” Lucas announced.

_For fuck's sake_ , Jude thought. _Not again_.

“Don't let Zero ruin another date,” he said tersely. There's no way Zero would know where they were or what they were doing but in his mind, Zero was like this weird puppet master trying to pull him by the strings. It was an unnerving thought.

Lucas seemed to have a different notion. He gave Jude an unimpressed look. “Zero didn't ruin anything. You did. You're clearly hung up over this other guy, whoever he is.”

All Jude could do was stare as Lucas stood up to take Zero's call.

~

Going back to good things coming in threes, the third not-so-good thing came in the form of Oscar requesting his presence. Jude wasn't surprised. News of the league forcing a sale had spread so quickly that Jude hadn't wrapped his own head around it. Zero's presence hadn't helped matters either and Jude didn't feel bad about walking away from him. For someone who wasn't ready to to just admit that he _felt_ something, he popped up a lot and Jude wasn't in the mood at the moment. Not with a terrible first date, the sale of the team _and_ Oscar hanging over him.

Derek Roman had finally signed his deal the previous day and Jude watched and listened as Lucas stipulated that Derek be installed as Captain and Ashah Hayes be reinstated to the Devil Girls. The finer details didn't bother him but it was the gesture that made Jude think. Sure, he wasn't some princess who needed a knight in shining armour but it would be nice to have someone go that far for him. Given that Zero had been boasting about being Captain just a few days ago, perhaps Jude had been silent on the matter out of anger, but it was probably better in the long run. With Oscar in jail, the last thing they needed was a Captain who seemed to change his persona more times than Lady Gaga changed her wigs.

Oddly enough, Zero didn't mention the Captain situation when he eventually caught up with Jude. Jude was outside the arena taking a quick break when he spotted Zero and a few of the other players walking towards him. It was too obvious for him to duck so he remained where he was and half-hoped that Zero would just walk by and act like he didn't exist.

Naturally, Zero stopped, and came to stand beside him when the other players walked ahead.

“Spill,” is all he said, like he automatically knew that there was something troubling Jude.

Maybe he did.

It still wouldn't change anything.

~

Jude always liked to think of himself as a rational person. He considered every aspect in any situation. He weighed the pros against the cons and made sagacious decisions.

That behaviour seemed to fly out of the window when he came into contact with both Oscar and Zero.

In the case of Oscar, it was always an irrational quick fix of hope; some sort of deluded notion that things would be different _this time_.

With Zero, it was different. It wasn’t so much rejection as it was hardheadedness. Zero had a preconceived perception of how his life was supposed to be. However, that seemed to be changing. He kept seeking Jude out, like now in the Playground. Technically, Jude was only at Jelena’s engagement party because of his status as EVP. With the rumoured sale of the team, at least one member of the Devils hierarchy had to be visible at all times. Left alone to him, he'd have crashed on his couch and tried to scrub all thoughts of his visit to Oscar from his mind.

Jude wasn't surprised that Oscar knew about his new job, he probably had someone fishing for info and feeding him the scraps via his burner phone. That Oscar thought he was stupid enough to be his person on the inside was equally as unsurprising. The visit had ended almost as quickly as it begun but it was long enough to leave him feeling wrecked. Giving Oscar the picture of him as a kid was a spontaneous thought that grew into something else. In a way, it was a test that he knew Oscar would fail, but the masochist in him wanted to give his _father_ one more chance.

It was this resolve that had him vulnerable when Zero approached him at the bar.

There was no greeting, just a question.

“How'd it go with Oscar?”

Jude eyed Zero curiously, “How did you know I went?”

Zero shrugged silently as if to say, _I just do_.

“He wants a stooge,” Jude admitted. He ran his fingers down his glass slowly. “I'm not going to let him use me like that. I'm not going to be an afterthought.”

Zero looked away, with his eyes downturned as he said, “I can't even imagine you being an afterthought.”

Jude was about to scoff when Zero looked back up at him and continued, “I think about you first all the time.”

That was new. In fact, Jude was so thrown that he concealed it by downing the rest of his drink. He wondered if this was another ploy for whatever it was that they did. Sex. No strings attached. Another fling.

He found that he didn't even care. The tension from his visit to to Oscar was running through him and for whatever reason, this was the best he'd felt in the past few days. Zero wanting to know _anything_ about him still made him feel like he was someone worth knowing about

  
“You're the most screwed up person I've ever met,” Jude said. Zero's face twisted, like he wasn't sure if he found the comment amusing or insulting.  


Jude eyed him carefully before he added,“And the only person who makes me feel normal.”

Their eyes locked on each other and Jude knew that there was only one way this night was going to end.

~

Reality came crashing down on Jude half an hour later. He was getting dressed and trying to ignore the tension building up in his gut. The faint sounds of the loud music filtered into the thoroughly trashed coat closet. Suddenly he was very aware that this was the most public they'd ever been. No doubt the wheels in Zero's head were already turning. Jude decided that he wasn't going to write Zero off just yet. Perhaps things would be different this time.  
  
“I think I'm wearing your underwear,” he announced stupidly without thinking. Given the mess they'd made, it wasn't a surprise that he'd picked up the wrong pair.

Zero didn't seem to mind, he just said, “That's fine,” and followed it with a bemused laugh.  
  
“I missed you, Jude,” Zero admitted.

That was different. Frank, emotional declarations weren't Zero's thing. Even his attempts to get Jude back had been clumsy, ham-fisted and sorely lacking in the romance department.

Still.

  
“I missed you too,” Jude said and they briefly shared an intense look that was broken by Zero looking towards the door idly.

The question, when it came, knocked the wind out of Jude's sails.  
  
“Should I leave first or should you?”

It was like cold water washing over him. This wasn't the start of something new but continuation of the same destructive path he'd been on ever since he managed to worm his way into the Devils’ set up. Since he came into contact with Oscar. He was constantly searching for comfort and the one person willing to provide it only did so behind closed doors.

Fuck that.  
  
Predictably, Zero played innocent. “What? What did I do?”

The worst part was that it felt like they were back in the locker room the night the team won the championship. For someone who was done settling for percentages, Jude kept coming back for snippets of a broken whole.

Zero hadn't done anything but _Jude_ had. He'd broken the promise that he made to himself.

“I'm still your secret,” he said to Zero as he hastened his attempts to finish getting dressed. He needed to get out of here as soon as possible.

“You're being dramatic,” Zero tried to tell him, even though, _he'd_ been more outraged when Jelena hadn't deemed him worthy of adult conversation. Why was this any different?

“We're literally in a closet,” Jude pointed out as he gestured to the trashed room. He didn't know how they were going to explain it but it's not like it mattered. It was just a fumble in a closet. That's all he was good for.

Zero didn't have any comforting words to offer and Jude finally realised that he didn't need them. What he needed to do was leave. Right now. It's not like Zero would come after him. He never did.

“If you care about me at all, stay away,” Jude told him before he gathered the rest of his clothes and left.

~

The next time they saw each other was in the Devils locker room. Zero interrupted Jude's phone call to inform him that not only were Terrence and Jelena the potential buyers of the team, but that Zero had thought far enough ahead to get some leverage in the form of Derek Roman potentially being traded.

Yet, they were in another empty room where no one could pry. Zero could have bent down on one knee and it would still be all wrong. Hearing that Zero had made a deal on _his_ behalf was... conflicting. If Zero was willing to give up his plan to replace Derek because of Jude then... Maybe he was being sincere. Unfortunately, Jude couldn't take that risk.  
  
“I appreciate it, but information is not what I'm looking for from you. It doesn't change anything between us,” he told Zero, willing himself not to react with Zero's face fell.

Jude walked away yet again.

~  
  
Sometime later, Jude bumped into Lucas and managed to bag another date. It didn't feel _right_ but it was better than being shoved into closets or always feeling like he wasn't good enough. At least Lucas was willing to be seen with him in public. With that in mind, he left work feeling much better than he had in days.

That evaporated when he saw Zero waiting for him by his parking space.

Jude was expecting some kind of impassioned plea, or maybe an acknowledgment of their situation but instead Zero was busy gazing at a poster of himself.

“You're her valuable member of the team,” Jude informed Zero after explaining that Lionel was behind his sudden increased exposure. Technically, they'd all agreed that it made sense to highlight the major star who _hadn't_ injured himself or played hardball, but Zero didn't need to know that. Jude's days of blowing smoke up Zero's ass were over.

He tried to walk away, but Zero pulled him back in. He said something about all _he'd_ done for Jude and suddenly that was the point at which enough was enough. If Zero still didn't realise that scheming and gathering information barely scratched the surface of what Jude needed from him, there was nothing here. There no was point in doing this song and rhyme over and over.

“You either refuse to get it or you never will,” Jude said. He turned to get into his car but Zero wasn't done yet.

“I love you!” he called out desperately, adding an almost snappish, “Alright!”.

Jude stopped in his tracks.

Stunned, he looked back at Zero who was suddenly looking everywhere but at him. Eventually his gaze landed back on Jude.

  
“I...I love you, stupid,” he added, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. If Jude was smart, he would have brushed off the admission and left but...That same fleeting sense of hope was rising out of the ashes left smouldering on the ground after their last encounter.

Something his mom always said came to mind. It was part of her lectures about Oscar and the stupid ' _brainless airheads_ ’ who played for the Devils.

_Love isn't enough with these people,_ she'd tell him _. “love is like a towel at the end of the last quarter. Easily discarded when they have no use for it anymore. Are they going to be there when it matters? When the chips are down and you just need someone to hold you? When your kid is running a fever and there's no one to turn to because being with this person meant alienating yourself? These are the questions that you have to ask.”_

Even as Jude said, “I love you too,” he was thinking about it. Replaying her words over and over. It took less than a minute for him to realise that she was right.

In the face of the smile threatening to light up Zero's face, he continued, “But even still, it doesn't matter. Love isn't enough. I need someone I can actually be with like a _normal_ person. Someone who's able to be there for me in everyway. Can you? Can you do that?”

Even though he'd started off rebutting Zero's admission, it didn't escape his notice that he was throwing yet another bone. His questions weren't rhetorical; they were tinged with hope.

The same hope that let him down time and time again.

In spite of that, Zero's answer hit him like a fist to the face.

“No…”

Jude's face twisted morosely as the weight of the response made its presence known.

He could hear the surprised disappointment in Zero's tone and he knew that it was just honesty. He knew that Zero wasn't trying to hurt him, but he was still floored by the answer. What was it about him that wasn't enough? Why did people treat him like he was disposable? Jude didn't have the answers but he had his pride.

He was done with Zero.

Without a word, he turned and walked away, climbing into his car and peeling out of his spot as quickly as possibly.

_Fuck love._

_~_

His second date with Lucas mirrored the first in that Jude found himself opening up. It wasn't that Lucas was a particularly good listener but after finally opening up to both Zero and Lionel, Jude seemed to be unable to stop. Suddenly, he was questioning everything about himself.

Lucas was making the right noises and the weight of his hand felt nice, the fond expression on his face felt even better but he didn't _get_ it. He didn't get Jude. Even as Jude revealed that he didn't do anything normal people did, he could sense Lucas's apprehension.

“ _Turn off your brain, Jude.”_

Lucas said the words with a smile, but Jude could sense the true sentiment. He'd gotten it all his life. He was too closed off, too hard to read, too sullen. Too moody. He was never the right amount of anything. Turning off his brain went against all of instincts but Lucas wouldn't know that. The one person that did wasn't interested.

In a way, Lucas was right when he stated that Jude was strategizing the date. He was trying to determine if taking things further was a good idea. He'd poured out his life story and Lucas had failed that test by focusing on the money but still, he wasn't looking for anything long term. Not so soon after Zero.

So, he went against his instincts and he turned off his brain.

One thing led to another and suddenly he and Lucas went from drinking better to mapping each other’s bodies with their mouths. It felt wrong but Jude was past caring. He just wanted to lose himself in somebody else for one night.

~

In order to gage just how serious Lucas was, he asked him to meet him after the opening game of the season. Courtside was as public as they could get without attracting too much attention and Jude wanted to see if he could ever mean that much to _someone_. There was some lingering attraction between him and Lucas but there was still something that made Jude apprehensive. Perhaps it was the slick way Lucas had played to his weaknesses and somehow charmed his way into Jude's bed.

Or maybe it was the fact that he wasn't Zero.

Either way, he had to be smarter this time and make sure that Lucas wasn't just stringing him along.

Jude watched the game from his spot courtside, but it felt like it passed by in a hazy blur. He tried and failed to ignore the way his chest fluttered whenever Zero came into view.

Zero _loved_ him.

In a way, what happened with Lucas has probably been a knee jerk reaction to the emotional roller coaster Zero put him through. It's not like Lucas was the nicest guy. If anything, he was cocky, arrogant and clearly not the kind of guy who dated awkward, inexperienced guys like Jude. They were a complete mismatch, more so than him and Zero.

Still, he hoped.

After the game, he stood there on the smooth, shiny court and waited. Music blared from the speakers, but it was like white noise to him. He looked around but amidst the stream of reporters and spectators on the court, he couldn't see much. Or maybe he was just trying to hard to focus on something. Maybe he knew that he was looking for something that no longer existed.

Zero approached him but Jude barely glanced at him.

“I can't talk now. I'm meeting someone.”

Jude was expecting Zero to go all alpha male on him and demand to know who.

He wasn't expecting Zero to say, “Lucas isn't coming.”

“Why not?” Jude asked, finally turning to face Zero. He frowned. Zero looked anxious somehow, and the slight unkempt state of his usually put together hair just made it seem worse. Concern arose in Jude and he started to wonder what Zero was up to now.

“Because I told him not to,” Zero replied cryptically.

Jude barely had time to process that answer before Zero bounded over to him and _kissed_ him. The initial shock had him floundering before he unconsciously framed Zero's head with his hands and kissed him back.

In reality, the kiss only lasted for a minute or so, but it felt much longer.

When they pulled away from each other, it took a moment for Jude to realise what had just transpired. Zero had just _kissed_ him in front of twenty thousand people and millions more via broadcast. That was huge. Bigger than he'd ever dreamed of. Before he could even say anything to Zero, Jude suddenly became aware that everyone's eyes were on them. He looked up and met Lionel's gaze.

“What the hell?” she mouthed and he merely shrugged in response. She gestured towards Zero and Jude turned to see that at least six different reporters had microphones shoved in his face. Zero looked shell shocked, as though he'd just had an outer body experience.

“Zero, let's go,” Jude said after he decided that he had to the control of the situation. He grabbed Zero by the elbow and began to direct him off court. They stopped only to snag a white towel for Zero to clean up with. The reporters tripped themselves up in their pursuit and Jude was happy to see Lionel flanking him and doing her best to keep the press at bay.

Just before Pete emerged to direct them to a car outside, he and Zero shared a look.

Just a simple, ' _we’re in this together_ ’.

Suddenly, the reporters were the last thing on his mind.

~

They ended up at his apartment. The drive over had occurred in a stunned silence, as if one word would somehow undo everything. Jude was still trying to process everything and Zero was maybe cooling down from the game _and_ whatever possessed him to kiss Jude in front of everyone. Even though the gesture meant everything to him, there was something niggling away at him. If this backfired on them, it would be _his_ fault. He'd pushed and pushed and here they were. His phone had been buzzing nonstop, but Zero's was probably ten times worse.

Despite that, neither of them could keep their hands off each other when they finally got into the apartment. It was the same song and rhyme. Hard kisses. Hands roaming over sweaty skin, clothes discarded messily as the tripped their way to the bedroom. It was like old times except it wasn't a secret anymore.

“Love you,” Zero mumbled sleepily when they finally came down from their high.

Jude glanced sideways and regarded Zero's form carefully before he smiled softly and replied, “Love you too.”

~

The following morning was an interesting one.While Jude may have finally gotten what he wanted, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. However, Zero seemed to be in high spirits; he had dozens of interview requests, he had Jude and everything was amazing until they finally emerged from their own bubble.

Before that happened, Jude decided that he needed to come clean about Lucas. Considering that he'd replayed their kiss a million times in his mind, the part about Lucas had only featured in the last few viewings and he suddenly felt this surge of guilt.

Jude waited until he was getting ready for work to ask about Lucas so that he had an out if the conversation got ugly.

“How did you know that Lucas wasn't coming? Or that he was supposed to meet me at all,” he asked as he buttoned up his pale blue shirt.

Zero began to fidget uncomfortably and Jude raised an eyebrow as he affixed his tie.

“Zero,” Jude added in a tone that said, _answer me_.

Zero sighed heavily as he set his bowl of cereal down onto the coffee table.

“I saw him at half-time and he told me about you and him,” Zero said gruffly. “He was hightailing it out of there because he's a dick. And I….”

“You what?” Jude asked curiously. He wasn't upset about Lucas. If anything, dating Lucas had always been about Zero indirectly. A way to get over him, to _forget_ and clearly, he'd only been fooling himself.

“I couldn't let another person disappoint you like that,” Zero added with a shrug. He scratched his head nervously. “I didn't want you to end up alone.”

Jude didn't know how to react to that. He wasn't surprised that Lucas had run off. After everything he'd unloaded on the guy, that he agreed to come at all was a miracle. The only regret Jude had was that he'd slept with him.  

“No one has ever done anything like that for me before,” Jude told Zero quietly. “I don't know what to say.”

“Yeah, well, finding out that the person you're in love with had sex with some asshole who's only going to hurt him makes you think - it makes you jealous too - but mostly, it makes you think, and I decided in that moment that you're worth more than being hidden away. You've never been my ' _secret_ ’ and I thought everyone should know.”

Zero could barely meet his eyes when he was done talking but that didn't bother Jude.

It was the most forthcoming Zero had been about their relationship and Jude could tell that he was uncomfortable. That he was making an effort to explain himself was enough.

All he wanted to do in this instant was kiss Zero, but if they started something now they'd both be late.

Plus...

“You're not mad that I….y’know, with Lucas?”

Zero huffed out a laugh. “Of course not. I more or less told you that I couldn't be with you at all. If the roles were reversed, I'd probably have done a lot worse than sleeping with Lucas.”

“Let me guess, two Vs?” Jude joked, figuring that it was better to lighten up the mood and take the focus away from Lucas.

Zero’s smirk was dirty and devious. “More like two Vs and one extra D.” He winked at Jude before he went to go and dump his bowl in the sink.

Jude snorted quietly but inside, he breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

~

Jude found that returning back to _business mode_ was difficult, but news that the Devils were now locked out of the arena had travelled fast and he was forced to adjust quickly. Jude thought it was ironic that Oscar has never thought to secure the old arena before splashing his dirty money on a new one.

On his way to find Lionel, Jude nipped into the grocery store to buy some water. He'd just pulled out a bottle from the in store refrigerator when he felt eyes piercing into his back. He turned around and there was a young woman staring at him excitedly.

“You're that guy from the other night, the one that kissed Zero. Or well, _he_ kissed you, but whatever, can I have a picture?” she said somewhat loudly. From the corner of his eye, he saw an older man looking in their direction. The girl was still chattering away and she spoke so fast that Jude agreed before he knew what he was agreeing to. She came to stand next to him and pulled out her cellphone. She snapped the picture effortlessly and thanked him breathlessly before she all but ran away.

_Huh,_ he thought, _That was new._

Jude looked up to find that almost everyone in the aisle was now staring at him.

He left the water behind and exited as quickly as he could.

~

By the time he arrived at the pick up game, Jude was annoyed by the media presence that he had attracted. Zero hadn't answered his calls and Lionel was stuck with her ten lawyers, so he'd had to brave it on his own. He made sure to let everyone know that he had no comment. Officially, the team probably should have put out a statement but his relationship with Zero wasn't as important as fighting off the sale of the team, or securing the arena. Plus, as EVP, weathering this storm was a task that would normally fall on his head, along with their PR department. In fairness, Amanda, the head of PR, _had_ called him but he hadn't returned it yet. That would have to be done later.

After touching base with Zero quickly - no PDA, just a friendly slap on the shoulder and a brief _hello_ \- Jude took his seat in the stands. He spent most of the game looking up periodically and trying to reply important emails before he put his phone away for the last quarter. He watched as Zero played with ease and smiled whenever he made a shot.

Even though he was here in his official capacity as EVP, the media had already peppered him with a bunch of questions and Jude knew that they were waiting for Zero. The unwavering attention made Jude feel uneasy and he began to question why he'd ever wanted to go public at all. Not only that, he started to realise just how selfish he'd been. With his EVP hat on, he could have listed a million ways in which Zero kissing _any_ man on national television was a bad idea. With the proverbial hat off, he had never stopped to consider just how much of a shitstorm it would create.

So when Zero got angry with the reporters at the end of the game and dropped a microphone to the ground and _literally_ ran away, guilt began to pool in Jude's stomach.

~

Shortly afterwards, Zero lost his cool again and blurted out that he'd regretted kissing Jude. It wasn't surprising, Jude had witnessed Zero's mood get darker and darker before finally the masseuse and her camera had pushed him over the edge. It was probably the most unrelaxed couples massage Jude had ever experienced. Not that he'd received many. He'd only come along because he could sense that someone needed to be around when Zero eventually blew up.

However, given that the blow had been aimed at _him_ , he wished he'd waited at the apartment instead.

~

Zero wasn't at Jude's apartment when he got there. He still checked every room even though he knew it was fruitless. There were no messages on his phone from Zero and Jude sighed to himself as he sat down on the couch. It felt like he hadn't taken a minute for _himself_ since the kiss. For a second he wished that he'd just given in before. Taken whatever Zero had to offer him without pushing him for more. He'd wrongly equated Zero and Oscar in his mind and now he'd ended up hurting Zero in the process.

With another deep exhale, he called Lionel. Security were supposed to be with Zero at all times until the hype died down so they would know where he was. Nonetheless, he needed a friendly ear before he faced Zero again.

“Is everything okay?” Lionel asked as soon as she answered. “I got an update that said Zero went up to his house. _Alone._ ”

Jude swallowed hard. “Everything's a mess. I may have indirectly pushed Zero into doing what he did but...I never anticipated the level of attention that we'd get. I just wanted us to be a _normal_ couple.”

Lionel chuckled softly. “Honey, he's a starter for one of the league’s best basketball teams. There's never going to be _normal_. Trust me, I would know.”

Jude had never looked at it that way before. He'd fantasized about quiet dinners in nice restaurants, taking long walks together and…yeah, maybe that wasn't realistic. Zero wasn't a normal guy. He was a rich, extremely talented and high profile basketball player.

Everything his mother had warned him about.

“Shit, I should probably call my mom,” Jude said abruptly.

Lionel hummed in agreement but she didn't say anything. From the little he'd told her, she seemed to be apathetic towards his mother. However, Jude had learned that his mom's tough stance on Oscar and the Devils was just her way of protecting him.

“But first I need to see Zero,” he added. “If he wants to see me anyway.”

Lionel snorted and Jude could practically see her eye roll. “Tell Zero to pull up his panties and get a grip. Media buzz isn't always great but so long as you guys love each other, that's all that matters. No amount of unwavering attention can take that away from you.”

Jude thanked Lionel for her advice and cut off the call. She made everything sound so simple but when it came down to it, Zero still planned on making it to the top.

Being a gay poster boy was not conducive with said plan.

~

Zero was in his enormous bathroom when Jude arrived at his house.

After taking three wrong turns, he finally found the right room. He walked in slowly and found Zero sitting in the grand bathtub. The décor was bright with hues of gold, and some decorative plants. It seemed impersonal somehow. Whenever he thought of _them_ , it was always in the safety of his small apartment. Having this conversation here made him feel like he'd lost home advantage but maybe that was how it was supposed to be.

Zero looked up at him when he entered but he remained silent.

“I know you're pissed,” Jude began. “I don't blame you. You did this amazing thing for me and I never thought about how it would affect you too. I get why you would regret being with me.”

Zero shifted and the water sloshed noisily as he hoisted himself up.

“I don't regret being with you,” he said with enough conviction that Jude believed it. “I regret letting everyone else in on it. I liked it when it was just _us_. I don't...I don't like losing that.”

It hit Jude then that maybe it was never about him being a _secret_ . Or about them being able to go out in public. It was about how it would ruin what they had and even though he'd been unwilling to truly commit to the idea of an actual _relationship_ perhaps Zero had been trying to protect Jude - and _them_ \- from the relentless scrutiny.  
  
Jude gazed down at Zero and said, “You haven't. Everything we're going through is only going to make more of us not less. We're still in this together, it's still just you and me.”

Zero seemed to take his words onboard and accepted them easily with an understanding nod.  

The tension seemed to bleed out of the room when Zero unsubtly suggested that Jude join him in the tub and then uploaded a picture of them to Instagram. He would have uploaded much more than that if Jude had let him. In a way, Jude was jealous that Zero was the kind of person that just acted without obsessively weighing the pros and cons, but on the other hand, it balanced them nicely.

Together, they were unstoppable.

~

They went back to their usual routine shortly after that. Jude had meetings to attend and Zero had basketball to focus on.

The board questioned him briefly about their relationship - was it just a fling? Did he have any skeletons in his closet? Were they both prepared for the scrutiny? Jude answered as best as he could and thankfully Lionel steered the conversation in another direction.

From what Zero told him, the team didn't have half as many queries. They just treated him like he was any other player. Jude suspected that had something to do with that fact that Zero had been so many different characters during his brief tenure in LA. No one could truly figure him out.

The fan reaction was a mixed bag, with some people all for their relationship and some who weren't as supportive, but thankfully, the latter appeared to be the minority.

Despite that, it all weighed heavily on Jude. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kept expecting to come home one day and find all traces of Zero wiped clean. Lionel thought he was being dramatic and his mom’s only take on the situation was: _I hope you know what you're doing._ That left him with his messy jumble of thoughts and a destructive path that was only derailed by Zero.

They were lying in bed sated and, in Zero's case, half asleep.

Or so Jude thought, because Zero suddenly pushed back so that he was sitting up and looking down at Jude. His hair was a tangled mess and Jude refrained from reaching up to run his fingers through it.

“Are you going to tell me what's up with you or do I need to drag it out of you?” Zero said after a minute or so had passed.

Jude was torn between spouting some bullshit about Oscar and telling the truth and after some brief consideration, he decided on the latter.

“I guess I'm just waiting for all of this to fall apart. _Everyone_ has eyes on us and it's harder than I imagined and most of the focus hasn't even been on me. It's been on you.”

Zero frowned. “What are you saying?”

Jude sat up so that they were eye-level, although, he looked away almost immediately. “I'm saying that...If you ever thought that this - _us_ \- was getting in the way of your career then I'd understand.”

It wasn't what he'd intended to stay but it was true. He would understand. He wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes his mom had made, or even Lionel. He wasn't going to try and make Zero pick basketball (and all that came with it) over him.

“Are you trying to give me an out?” Zero asked incredulously.

“No, but--” Jude began to respond before he was interrupted.

“--There's no _but_ , stupid,” Zero said. “I’m a lot of things, but I'm not someone that gives up easily. You know that better than anyone. I don't care about _everyone's_ eyes. Just yours.”

He made it sound so simple.

“I don't know how you do it,” Jude said warily. “The press are relentless. And the fans... Seriously, it's impressive. I can deal with them when it's about the Devils but when they ask questions about us...I don't know.”

Zero shrugged. “It's the life, Jude. You just have to learn how to push it to the background. I've been pushing stuff back since I was a kid. I stopped caring about what people thought of me when I realised that it only matters if _they_ matter to _me_.”

The way he looked at Jude when he emphasised ‘ _they’_ told him what Zero hadn't said.

Zero's phone buzzed and he turned to grab it. There was silence as he scrolled through whatever had popped up. Jude watched him quietly but didn't ask about it.

“Sorry for being such a downer,” he said when Zero placed his phone back on the nightstand.

“You're not a downer,” Zero replied almost automatically. “You just think too much.” He nudged Jude's shoulder and levelled a smile his way. He was always doing that, instantly rejecting any self-criticism Jude had, always reassuring him. It was crazy how much Jude needed to hear it sometimes. Crazy that he finally had someone who thought he was worth something.

“Hmm, well, maybe I need a distraction,” Jude replied. Technically, he should have been sleeping since he had an early meeting in the morning, but if it was a choice between sleep and _Zero_ there was only going to be one winner.

“That can be arranged,” Zero shot back with a seductive look, and when he leaned into kiss him, Jude met him halfway.

Zero was _always_ up for something, not that Jude minded. It was good to feel wanted. _Truly_ wanted. Zero never treated him like he was anything less than an equal, and he accepted Jude for who he was.

Sometimes Jude couldn't believe his luck. He had initially come to LA in search of a fruitless dream that he'd been chasing his whole life.

Instead, he wound up finding himself, Gideon, _and_ love.

**Fin.**  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


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